RMC

All my life
from the vine
came wine
and intoxicated times.

Lost in clouds
with loving support
I knew a thing I would call
a father’s twisted rapport.  

Friction father,
please take a breath.
Discipline me not I’m
admonished to death.

I hear your words
clear over the years
rewind in my mind and
all I’ve for you is fear.

The end is near now,
you’d think so would be the yells
and insults for when I fail
to do the right thing your way well.

I’m not you but you
want to think for me.
So I’ll consume what I can
to feel numb endlessly.

The clouds above me know
me better than you could see.
And the rain that reigns down
in my mind all the time is ferocity.

In your mind you’re a god
the rod you use are words that cut.
So here I am now I just discovered
when I bleed need doors are shut.

I need the fog to lift
gracefully and to discover me.
I think I’m a half way good man,
adrift wanting a father to see.

I’ll never live up you.
Never be what you want me to be.
Years have been a drag black,
my heart is what you taught me.

I know love, compassion,
and the right things to do.
Discipline is not what I need now.
What I need is a friend in you.