Sensors in my brain cells
sale me joy I feel empty,
I need a cut reality is hell
but it could be worse I’m cursed.
It’s okay for today as I calm,
feel pain I am alarmed
by the nuances of attraction
for pain before hid in charm.
Temptation, elation wrapped
my heart and entranced my eyes
now the things I want
have changed I’m vain I need joy.
Waking up into darkness,
the reasons I walk and breathe
for love and companionship
I wipe a tear as those things I still need.
I fill the void empty I tell
myself it will be okay.
My brain is full dull things the well
is dry water enters my throat slaughtered.
I look to myself for calm,
one day at a time a drink is gone
but maybe it isn’t far I try song
so I may have relief from grief.
I keep inside pride I’m old,
told of things spectacles
I have seen like in my dreams
it seems like I am good, special.
The life I have is relaxed,
I try to fix past relationships
and make amends but it depends
on the things I can and can not mend.
I feel the briars tear me apart
I try to find joy in some kind art.
But my heart is hard as a rock,
and the tension I try to relieve is so close.
I need a beautiful smile awhile,
in the dark there are scary things defile
do the things I touch I need a crutch
because my toe is broken by miles.
Tell me of fantasy I can be
a fool for those who guard gates
that I will never see behind I
for the sacred hearts am found late.
I break down I see myself clear,
I feed the beast it is no simple task.
I have things inside that bring shame,
that’s why I like others wear masks.
Feed the bullshit I know all do
what they can to get by while I try
to ease the chaos inside
the recesses deep inside my mind.
Endorphins morphing into bliss
is a rush I miss a kiss
that blind I am to certain kinds
of perils of lies set adrift.
The scars are bars I’ll spar
with the way things have been and are;
but my nature is ugly sometimes
but most ugly are too like the scars.
RMC 