Beautiful things turn to ash
like I pander to the powers that be;
I’d like to love discreet but that
wasn’t in the cards for me.
My life was torn and ruptured
by hands under a trance.
Now I play games so I might
not have to live by their dance.
I see grey where they see black and white
despite what they did I hid
in plain sight I am me despite
the horror they did when I was a kid.
The situation was horror and it all
fell apart and I starve for just one
I can hold and call beloved,
life is no game to be won.
The shit we have to deal with together
is fit for no one and I don’t know
anything but your safety and mine
and forgiveness white as snow.
I can’t and I won’t harbor ill will,
I use to seek rebellion and do things
under spells for all of the thrill;
now from puppet masters I must cut string.
I have to be me and keep step
to being clear minded I find in it
no joy or peace I feel so inept;
where I was torn still makes me feels like shit.
I want to leave but I am trapped
by the hands of the puppet master
who seems to not give a crap
and sends me to a disaster.
I despise all two faced ill willed kids.
They know not what happened what they did.
The place that bore me and tore me apart
is of no grand nature it fucks with my id.
Beacuse they don’t want me to think
or remember all they have done.
My life is fun when they get out of my way,
for what they did to me can’t be undone.
I harbor anger and angst for now,
it will pass and for the gas lighting
I am fighting and finding it rough
everyday the way they play it’s frightening.
I am a true blue and I want justice
for all those who lost all they had.
For trying to understand and explanations
they make me feel to the core I am bad.
I have to put up with all shit.
In the state I am in I will sin for I begin
to see the hypocrisy in all the sea of red
it makes me sick and at times I have thin skin.
People better relax and just be calm,
I consider all the thralls of passion a fashion
for now and I am not cool I don’t want to,
I want to be left alone and portions ration.
In the cards for me wasn’t a wife.
In the cards for me today I don’t want strife.
I need stress relief and I have anxiety,
but they won’t let me relieve me tonight.
After all they’ve done you would think
they would be more considerate and kind.
For the past myself and for them
I can not stop or stall or rewind.
RMC 